I'm not looking for a ninja movie being Citizen Kane. I'm not even looking for it to be Die Hard. I just want it to have exciting ninja scenes and fights. Ninja Assassin gave me mediocre ninja scenes and incomprehensible fights.
Ninjas scaling the walls: fine. Ninjas creeping along quietly: expected. Ninjas dealing death from the shadows: YES! More please. Ninjas in love: Hunh? I can deal with the love story. All movies are love stories in the end. Just these ninjas in love fell in love during their ninja training at the secret ninja camp under the vengeful eye of the strict, evil ninja sensei. Not what I expected.
The action scenes are also not what I was expecting. I thought that we would get asian cinema action, but instead got american cinema action. Asian cinema action while chaotic is beautiful to watch because you can see what is happening. American cinema action has devolved into incomprehensible movement. It's hard to see what is going on, who is hitting whom, or what is damaging what. The action simplified into limbs being hacked off and digital blood spraying. That blood looked absolutely fake, too, kind of like those pornos with digitally enhanced ejaculation.
Even if all complaints were addressed, it would've been hard to make up for the lame story. It's a tale of revenge. The Ninja Assassin must go back to his clan and kick their ass for killing what he holds dear. He makes it back to the secret hideout and with the help of Interpol and massive firepower (Why have a big bang shootout for the finale? Where's the ninja swords?). Would it spoil your fun if you know that he triumphs? Then don't worry. There are nine clans of ninja assassins so that a sequel could be written for the Ninja Assassin to take out the other clans.
Ninja Assassin -- bah humbug!
2 of 5 stars
Labels: movies, ninjas, review, your kung fu is good
@margeemateo said: